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L. R. Jonte [userpic]

Editorial Snark: Part 1

September 27th, 2006 (12:55 pm)

Forgive me ratcreature for I have sinned.  I couldn't help it!  there I was, looking at your scans of those damned Wizard how-to pages and thinking, "Jeez, if I was their Editor..."  And since brown_betty had already taken the intellectual route, I had to go the other way.  The next thing I knew, I was marking pages with my virtual red pen.  Just so you know, I plan to have a similar lapse of good judgement later today with regard to the rest of the pages.










Comments

Posted by: little_puppett (little_puppett)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
Oh man...

That is why I stopped buying mainstream comics....But hey! His "boob size doesn't matter" bit at the end makes me feel a whole lot better....O_o

The Vision and Scarlet Witch mini series was the first comics I ever read....

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh man...
smug

"boob size doesn't matter"

Because if it's in print, it must be so.

Posted by: Steve-O (thebfg)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 08:31 pm (UTC)
Best. Editor. Evar.
Comics - Snoopy GRR!

I like the shading in the first page which make's Daredevil's abs look like they're seriously concave for some reason. Probably the lack of internal organs as demonstrated later on the sultry types.

The faces on figure C are probably a good approximation of my mental process as I wondered why Black Widow's left breast which is further away from us is considerably larger than the right, which is nearer. Unevenness is natural, I'm told, but that's going to throw her off balance in the climactic fight scene. Yes, I said climactic, I bet it was for the artist.

As you can see from the slight folds in Wanda's outfit, the reason it seems so skimpy is that it hasn't been fully stretched as in the case of DD and BW. Once she covers herself up properly, the Clinginess will be at Defcon 1 like the others. Obviously we caught her while she was still getting dressed; what were the chances of that happening?

The difference between "Nice and attractive" and "Sultry" eyes seems to me to be the difference between "Designated driver" and "Fuckin' smashed to the point I can't remember my teen years but I bet they were fun, judging by all the tattoos".

And "Size doesn't matter" she says, beating her wings like a hummingbird on speed just to keep the weight of those jugs dragging her to an untimely demise on the kitchen floor...

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)
Re: Best. Editor. Evar.
mask

"The difference between "Nice and attractive" and "Sultry" eyes seems to me to be the difference between "Designated driver" and "Fuckin' smashed to the point I can't remember my teen years but I bet they were fun, judging by all the tattoos"."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god I think you broke me.

Posted by: Steve-O (thebfg)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC)
Re: Best. Editor. Evar.
Frankie Howerd: Pompeii

Well I hope your laughter was deep and moist.

Posted by: kadymae (kadymae)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 08:58 pm (UTC)

You just won an internet. It should be ariving at your house shortly.

You'll also notice that on the first Daredevil at the top of the page the outfit is so tight it's obviously elastrated his genitalia, which fell off due to dry-gangrene some time ago. (Link on human elastration -- rather clinical in nature -- but NWS and not for the easily squicked)



Posted by: kadymae (kadymae)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 09:01 pm (UTC)

Fixed Elastration Link

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)
embarrassed

I should not have looked! I should not have looked! I should not have looked!

You know, DD must shave, because with that kind of cling we should easily be able to count every hair on his (non-existent) nads.

Posted by: kadymae (kadymae)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 11:19 pm (UTC)

Shave?

Dood waxes!

Posted by: Melo (annechen_melo)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC)
Hero

Oh, my - I don't think so...

Posted by: amyunbounded (amyunbounded)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA!

--gasp!--

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, MAN! Who writes these fake articles? That's priceless!

Posted by: amyunbounded (amyunbounded)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 11:21 pm (UTC)
Re: HAHAHAHAHA!

Because I am apparently somewhat humor-impaired myself, let me just clarify: I knew it wasn't a fake article. I was being ironic. Or wishful-thinking. Take your pick.

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 28th, 2006 12:04 am (UTC)
Re: HAHAHAHAHA!
weep

Aww... sorry Rach. It was all me.

Posted by: Cath (ex_cath560)
Posted at: September 27th, 2006 11:29 pm (UTC)

I love you in ways that are almost impossible to express :D

Oddly I was once told I looked like an Adam Hughes character at a con - to which I replied no my breasts are real - he ran away :)

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 28th, 2006 12:05 am (UTC)
awesome

HA! That'll learn 'em!

Posted by: Rachael Moore (lierne)
Posted at: September 28th, 2006 03:08 am (UTC)

Adam Hughes' art has always bugged me. He gives his women enormous breasts then draws them with man hips.

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 10:48 pm (UTC)
oy

Yeah, that's what you get when your soul source of reference photos are of underweight models with fake boobs.

Posted by: Joanna (jou)
Posted at: September 28th, 2006 01:28 pm (UTC)
Happy Lizzie

Oh god that last page.... *pees self laughing*

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)
RAH!

HA! My work here is done!

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
pretty

Yeah, because it's all about being fuckable, after all. As Dan Fraga so memorably (and idiotically) said, "Draw the heroes like someone you'd like to be and the heroines like someone you'd like to date."

Asinine words to live by, those are. Especially since he gave that advice to a woman.

Posted by: Howard S. Hamilton (hshamilt)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)

I found their tips amusing if infantile but I was offended by that one guy's little remark on overweight women. The idea that heroic women's most key feature is their "hotness" (and really just his idea of hot which I don't share) is sophomoric and immature. Were I a superhero I'd be much more concerned with the fighting and/or thinking ability of my cohorts than their attractiveness.

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 10:43 pm (UTC)
majorvictory

Yup. That's why I thought the pic of Fat Mama was so timely and appropriate.

Posted by: victor_von (victor_von)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC)

It was funny when it was talking about male anatomy. Once it gets into "how to draw sexxxy womens" though, it becomes funnier than God's toupee. Awesome commentary!

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 10:42 pm (UTC)
friendly

Thank you!

Posted by: Rachel Nabors (crowhen)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC)

I've been wanting to say this for years, and I finally cannot hold it anymore:

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck comics.




I will go recompose myself now.

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 29th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC)
smartass

M'dear, I say that every damn day of my life.

Posted by: John (neovenator)
Posted at: September 30th, 2006 06:46 am (UTC)

This article looks familliar. I used to read Wizard, back when I was into superhero comics. I started with Wizard #8 and read it into the 100s. This article appeared many times, though in different incarnations. Even when I was a hormone-driven fanboy, I could see the bullshit articles like this were spewing into impressionable young minds.

Then again, this may have been because they picked artists who were hot for a short time, and therefore wouldn't need to be paid a whole lot to spew out some stereotypical "learn to draw" crap.

Oh, and keep in mind Wizard's target audience: teenage boys who like to look at drawings of "hot" chicks. It pains me to admit it, but I was once one of that legion of fanboys. Heh heh, I even remember taking white-out to black & white comics and drawing in anatomically-correct details.

Wow, I can't believe I just admitted that. O.o

Posted by: Humph (spiralsheep)
Posted at: September 30th, 2006 07:08 pm (UTC)
Here from Girl Wonder
spiralsheep Raven Logo

Here we see the real tragedy of breast-inflation, as the extremities are forced to retreat into the body in order to compensate. Sure, it's stubby fingers now, but where will it end?
I ask you, WHERE WILL IT END?


OMG you mock Wanda's disability! ;-)
I like the superheroine at bottom right best.
Great job on the snark and thank you for the laugh.

Posted by: L. R. Jonte (arcana_j)
Posted at: September 30th, 2006 07:19 pm (UTC)
Re: Here from Girl Wonder

Yes, Fat Mama was a family favorite on Who Wants to be a Superhero. My daughter cried when she didn't win.

I'm glad you enjoyed the snark! It is, if I say so myself, one of my more skilled areas of endeavor.

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